Waiting for Home

I already know this feeling, for it comes in

The form of my best friend and worst fears. My mind is detached, hurting from missing

Your gentle laugh and steady heart.

I linger in my thoughts of you, ever more

Suffocating my aching being.

I held in my hands two golden rings.

Each so happy, yet full of darkness deep within.

The first, its gold climbing around my finger and

Clasping a pearl, beautiful and shining white,

Along with three small diamonds, tiny,

But strong enough to light up the world of my

Aunt, whose dream of love came strictly to an

End when God deprived her person to be of

His breath. I thought about her pain, how life

Must have felt as impossible as blades of slick metal

cutting through her soul.

The other, on a chain around my neck. The symbols

Plastered to its sides are unfamiliar to me. If only

I could ask her. Paier School of Art

The ring reads, it was a dream to most

and a short reality to my great aunt. Linda, you were so

Young, you were so incredibly beautiful, and I long

To have met you.

Sometimes I think I do, when I see you staring at

Me from the other end of the hall.

I think of that ring on your finger, pristine in condition,

Your laugh dancing within the walls of the car,

Talking with your friend, nineteen years old.

Nineteen. You were just like me.

Then I think of that same hand, that same day,

That same ring, from car to hospital, its soft yellow

Stone left chipped; a cold reminder.

After you left this world who loved you so,

Your best friend did not. The words spoken

To your mother, how you made it but she did

Not, all a lie, all an identity mistake.

Great grandma rushing in, to find you, but then

She saw your friend; your bed left empty.

How she must have shattered like glass slammed

By an angry man.

She must have wanted to drink poison.

The coldness of my sweet rings brings my eyes up

Abruptly, sometimes angry with the truth of life.

Usually there are people. Usually they are rushing

About, looking for luggage and snacks.

Here, the halls are empty, the silver luggage trolley

Silent, as if the world has stopped. I wait for you.

Though the pain piercing my heart like a javelin

Calls out for you to stop leaving my grasp,

I wait for you. I would wait forever for you.

My beautiful, beautiful boy. You are worth every

ounce of hurt and suffering, for when I am with you,

I too feel my heart settle. Fear and uncertainty rises

Out of me like steam, and dissipates into the air,

Until you are once again gone and it rains down

On me in teaspoonfuls, creeping back into my life

Until I become a Thunderstorm.

But just for now, you will be here. I am waiting

At the very place where your body will walk. You

Will embrace me, and I will hang onto you, my life.

The confusion in my head rips me apart.

I feel love, foreverness, frustration, and pain.

It stings like thousand wasps flooding inside me.

You love me so much, and I love you,

But this distance is not as painful to you

As it is to me.

I never want to miss a day of your life

And here I am, missing hundreds.

In the end, you say, it will be worth it.

I know this not to be true. Not for me.

I linger in my thoughts of you, ever more

Suffocating my aching being.

The music flowing into my ears sings my

Thoughts: “'Cause it's all we got

What are we breathin' for if we ain't living?”

Sometimes I wonder if I’m living or breathing.

By now though, I know you’re coming soon.

I push my unruly thoughts out of mind, and let

The excitement pour over me like melted chocolate.

Your sweet smile lifts my heart and I want to dance.

My soul feels free as seeds of a dandelion caught in

The autumn wind. I long for your touch as I dream.

I can feel your presence, and our eyes lock as I

Turn around.

You look tall and handsome, your face unshaven

And enticing. Your boots move faster as you step

Quick, quicker now on your way to my arms. Your

Camouflage jacket reminds me of long winter days

Together, walking through the woods, my hand safe

In your grasp, light snowflakes catching on your

Eyelashes. My beautiful, beautiful boy.

And finally, I am home. Your powerful arms come

Over me. I feel my heart settle. Fear and uncertainty

rises out of me like steam, and dissipates into the air.

I embrace you with everything I have. Your hands

Move from my back to my head, as you hold me

Closer to your chest. We pull away slightly, my head

Up and yours down. Our lips meet in perfect harmony,

And suddenly I know what heaven feels like.

“I’ve missed you.”

Submitted by Anonymous

Volume 2, Issue #2 (December 15, 2019)